I was recently asked to compose a personal Christian testimony for a job application. It took me FOR-EVER to put my thoughts into words, and I'm not sure that it will ever be complete, but I'm pretty sure that at least one person can relate to our experiences. I figured it was a good starting point for my writing...what do think?
My Christian Testimony
I was blessed to be born into a Christian home and to have three generations of believers to support and guide me in my spiritual development. From preschool to high school, I was actively involved in youth groups, choirs, handbells, mission trips, and summer camps sponsored by our church. I gave my life to the Lord at age ten and I vividly remember my grandmother telling me, “Honey, being baptized is one of the most important decisions you will ever make.” While I appreciated her support, I remember thinking, “Isn’t this what we’re supposed to do? I thought everyone went to Pastor’s Class at age nine and joined the church the next year. I didn’t really make a decision, I just did like everyone else does.” Although I sincerely wanted to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I do not believe I truly committed my life to Him at the ripe old age of ten; I was simply following the crowd.This tendency to seek acceptance and approval from others became my biggest downfall. As I developed as a teenager, even though I was still attending church with my family, I was quick to alter my views, beliefs, or opinions simply based on the company I was keeping at the time. I continued this trend through college and even after graduation. By constantly striving to be what I assumed others wanted me to be, I haphazardly bounced to and fro between theologies, friends, ambitions, and overall preferences; resulting in a complete loss of identity and self-worth. I was aware of my lack of confidence and direction, but I was at loss for how to find resolution. I attempted many “band-aid” approaches such as counseling and medication, yet each effort ended with me giving up before my issues were resolved. In retrospect, my dangerously low self-esteem provoked many self-destructive tendencies, hindering me from sincerely striving to find sustainable solutions.
Throughout my wandering, I came across Celebration Church in Jacksonville, Florida and began attending regularly with a friend. I was drawn to the contemporary worship and relevant message. Soon after my first visit to the church, I began dating Ed, the most loyal, virtuous man I have ever known, and the one I would soon call my husband. We had only been dating a few months when we both confessed our desire to marry each other. A few months after that mutual admission, but before a wedding day had been set, we found out that we were expecting a child. There we were: unmarried, completely in love, completely terrified, about to have our world completely turned upside down.
I remember the collision of emotions that overtook me. On one hand, I was absolutely elated to be an expectant mother with the man who held my heart. I could not wait to experience marriage and parenthood with Ed and to start our life together. On the other hand, I felt the same sense of fear that was rooted in my childhood. I was anxious about how I would be viewed by others, especially my family. Would people be ashamed and disappointed? What kind of rumors would fly around my hometown about me? Would my colleagues lose respect for me? As I began playing out imaginary nightmares in my mind, I quickly retreated to that familiar place of insecurity. When we began sharing our news with family members, friends, and coworkers, regardless of their reaction, I remember watching Ed stand firm in the positive nature of the news. His excitement could not be shaken. As I watched him confidently lead us in all the weighty decisions that accompany the news of a wedding and new baby, I remember thinking: He loves me and loves our situation, no matter what. He does not rely on others’ opinions of him to determine his feelings or commitments. I was baffled by the source of his resolve. Then, it hit me: Ed’s strength comes from the Lord. OF COURSE!
I finally realized at that moment how unconditional and unshaken the Lord’s love is for me because of how it was demonstrated through Ed. Many truths that I had grown up memorizing suddenly came to mind and were made tangible. Despite my countless mistakes, God sees no stain on me. I no longer had to battle relentlessly with insecurity because my confidence was rooted in God; and if God is for me, who can stand against me (Romans 8:31)? The Lord had taken my sin, which I was tempted to dwell on as a blemish of my life story, and transformed it into the most fulfilling blessing I have ever received: a husband and children.
The empowerment of full surrender to the Lord propelled me into challenges and opportunities I never would have dreamt for myself. Soon after this full submission, I clearly heard the Lord’s call on my life to teach. I also understood that I was charged to share what I had learned to help mold young women, including my own daughters, to embrace the power of the Holy Spirit by grounding their identity and confidence in the Lord. God immediately lead me to a public high school in Jacksonville, Florida where prayer was banned and speaking the name of Jesus was absolutely forbidden. Yet, He provided a safe haven in my classroom where I was able to hold group prayers for our team of teachers, invite coworkers and students to church, witness to students in prison, encourage students with scripture, and even hold bible fellowships with female students to lead them in an understanding of the true source of security and unwavering love. The pinnacle of my year was when a shy, timid young lady came to me between classes and asked if I could teach her how to invite Jesus to come live in her heart! God made His presence known...in a pubic school!
I have witnessed in amazement how God will take specific fears and mistakes of mine and place someone in my life who needs guidance with those very issues. Consequently, I am urged to seek His wisdom through prayer and the Word to offer sound counsel. That process astonishes and humbles me every time. He calls me to overcome my fears by equipping me with situations and Godly wisdom to impart to others and in turn, He is glorified...and all I have to do is surrender to Him! What a freeing truth! The more I learn from the Lord, the more I want to share and impart to others. The call to teaching is forever on my heart. I understand the caution of James‘ instruction that ‘not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly,’ but I continue to embrace those challenges of Christian educators, knowing that the work of my hands will help build the kingdom of heaven (James 3:1).
