A Blinded Travel Agent

After posting the blog about calling out our fears, I’ve been faced with a handful of opportunities to act on my own advice and address my fears and insecurities head-on. There have been everyday things I’ve struggled with like fearing my child will be struck by a car in the hectic grocery store parking lot, or wondering how all the bills will be paid this month, or having a minor freak-out when one of those inch worms that hangs from the trees ended up in my bra (that was very scary...and very gross). 

But truth be told, I’ve found that the one thing that I fear above everything else is people's perceptions of me. It may seem to be a minor concern or even a silly one, but in reality, it can consume me. As I was tempted to dwell on these feelings the other day, God provided such a clear picture of how my fears of what others think of me can keep me from living the abundant life He’s planned.

I tend to play “travel agent” for our family when it comes to booking flights, renting cars, and scheduling hotel stays. For some strange reason, I enjoy the “puzzle” of trying to fit everyone’s wish list of a vacation or trip into the boundaries of Expedia’s travel packages and the extra rewards earned on a credit card. For this particular opportunity to flex my travel agent muscles, my parents asked me to coordinate their long-awaited trip to visit my brother, Drew, who is stationed in Alaska with the U.S. Army. 

Initially, the trip started out as a simple two-week, roundtrip occasion. But it quickly morphed into a grandiose, Northeastern exploration tour including an Alaskan cruise, fly fishing, rock climbing, camping out, a three-day detour to Seattle, and a partridge in a pear tree. And then there were requests about bed sizes in the hotel. And preferences of proximity to specific landmarks. And convenient flight times. And my younger brother, Patrick, was then added to the vacation package to accompany my parents for part of the trip. This was now a customized travel experience like one I had never seen. Still, I was excited about the challenge. 

So, I scheduled time to plan the trip when both of our daughters were in preschool and I could think clearly. I had a solid 2.5 hours to knock this thing out. I made a checklist. And a cup of coffee. I compared pricing on different websites, read countless hotel reviews, played with various dates to minimize the cost of travel, considered layover times, calculated baggage fees, and coordinated everything to stay within budget. Once it was all scheduled and purchased, I felt so accomplished and proud of my skills. I was excited to share the details of the trip with everyone, so I sent out a mass text to the family with flight times, hotel names, rental car details, and overall schedule for the magnificent voyage they were taking to Anchorage, Alaska. I sat very impatiently, awaiting the replies of “thank you! that’s awesome! you’re so good at this! can’t wait!” But instead, I received the following reply from Drew:

“Awesome, except for the fact that I live in Fairbanks! Only a six-hour drive from Anchorage!” 

Oops. I mean, OOOOOOOOOOPS!! After all the planning, and all the preparation, and all that close attention to detail to make the trip perfect for my family, I forgot to consider the most significant point of the trip: the DESTINATION!

As I dramatically tossed myself on the bed and threw an oscar-worthy pity party, I felt this odd, untimely peace come over my heart, which is usually how I feel when God’s teaching me something. And then He made it all click: Look how easily plans can be deterred when you simply take your eyes off what’s most important. 

I was so consumed with trying to please my family and earn recognition for my efforts that I lost sight of an incredibly essential detail of the trip. Likewise, in everyday life, I can easily end up going the wrong direction when I don’t stay focused on Him. Maybe you can relate.

When we’re at the grocery store and our children are karate-chopping each other and launching groceries in the air like grenades, do we franticly mutter harsh threats under our breath to our little ones so they’ll hush quickly and save us from additional embarrassment? 

When we’re looking to buy clothes, do we opt for the ones within our budget, or do we splurge for the ones we can’t afford, justifying our purchase with the expectation of being complimented on our fashion sense?

When we have a heated argument with our spouse, do we build ourselves up and smear their name by sharing details and “innocently” venting to friends?

When we’re enjoying a special memory with our loved ones, do we try our best to truly soak up the precious moments, or do we pull out our phones and direct everyone into perfect poses to capture the scene that will earn the most comments and likes on Facebook?

If we continue to base our decisions on how others will perceive us, we’ll live in a perpetual state of ping-pong, bouncing between opinions and beliefs and creating unproductive chaos in our worlds. We can plan, prepare, rationalize, and justify all we want, but unless we keep our eyes fixed on God and seek wisdom in His Word, then our efforts will be futile; we will never be fruitful or prosperous. (Psalm 1:2-3)

Where are you looking for recognition today? From whom are you seeking validation of your worth? Who do you turn to first for guidance and wisdom? Let’s stop searching for answers on Facebook and Twitter. Let’s stop seeking a boost in self-confidence from our spouses and online shopping. Let’s stop molding our belief systems based on a collective blob of advice from our friends and family. Let’s turn our eyes to the one true, unfailing source of meaning and keep them there. He will never steer us wrong.

Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls! (Hebrews 12:2, The Message Bible)

Love always,

Megan

Duck Duck Goose: Calling Out Our Fears

Now that spring is in full force and the weather is perfect for outdoor outings, I’ve been taking our two daughters to feed the ducks and geese at a nearby pond. I’m honestly not sure if our feathered friends even like bread, but it’s an activity that easily occupies two squirmy toddlers for a good 45 minutes, so I’d like to think the ducks and geese see bread as a delicacy and we are kindly doing them a gourmet favor. 

Over the past few visits, our 3-year-old has become increasingly fearful of them. I should mention that there are small friendly ducks at the pond, but mostly, there are large, child-size, aggressive geese who like to dominate the bread distribution. Everything starts out smoothly with our bread buffet. We offer a few pieces to the polite, sweet, little obedient ducks who delicately nibble on our treats. But within a few moments, we are swarmed and surrounded by the geese beasts. Inevitably, these gargantuan geese get too close for comfort, and our daughter feels her bread is in jeopardy, so she screams to the sound of a high-pitched dog whistle and runs away. Well, as it turns out, geese enjoy chasing after mobile bread. So they waddle behind her trying to snatch the bread from her little hands. The whole point of the trip is the give the bread to the geese and ducks, but the very thing that we’re there for is overshadowed by the fear of getting close enough to get hurt.

As she runs from the geese, I chase after her with the other baby on my hip and the rest of the bread in my hand, trying to explain to her that if you run from them, they’ll keep chasing you and they’ll eventually either snatch your bread or surround you until you surrender their snack. But if you turn towards the geese, take a few steps in their direction, tell them to “back up,” they’ll calm down and mind their manners. After several timid attempts and puddles of tears, she eventually masters it and our trip to the pond is safe and friendly again.  

As I watched our sweet daughter running in fear from those geese, God offered a timely lesson with a calm whisper to my heart, “That’s the same thing you do with your fears, Megan.” 

Wow. Yep. That’s exactly what I do with my fears. I convince myself that I’m not capable of changing or overcoming, so I simply cling to whatever thought I had of success and let the “geese” of my world peck at me until there’s nothing left. 

Many times when God has placed a desire, calling, or task on my heart, I drown out the truth of His purpose for me with insecurities. I depend on the untruths of what I feel and assume rather than pressing into His truth which surpasses all understanding. Like our daughter, I’ve seen what happens when I get too close to the scary places. I know I can be hurt or embarrassed or become a failure. But God tells us in 2 Timothy 1:7 that He has “not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” He created us to step out to those potentially fearful places that expose our vulnerabilities so we are forced to recognize our dependence on Him to pull us through. 

And just like I taught our little one to step towards the geese and command them to “back up,” we have to “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and [take] captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). So when we’re fearful and unsure, we have to turn our thoughts to God and what’s true in His scriptures. We have to directly address our insecurities with spoken truth, as silly as it may feel. “Back up, fears! Back up, insecurities! Back up, condemnations! My God is all-knowing and all-powerful. He has called me into this moment for a purpose so surely He will watch over my coming and going both now and forever!” (Psalm 121:8)

If we don’t address our fears head-on, we’re minimizing God’s power in our lives. And usually, the scariest places in our worlds are where He can use us the most. So where are you called today? What person have you been prompted to love unconditionally without being loved back? What secret of your past is haunting you that God is calling you to confess and hand over to Him? Whatever your “geese” are today, don’t let them chase you. Step towards them in confidence and face them head-on in Jesus’ name. I’ll be praying for your courage.

Love always,

Megan